What follows next is my feedback to someone’s cover letter.
I’m sharing it with you because it might help you improve your own cover letter.
Anyway, here it is!
My first advice is…
Don’t rely on a single way of selling them on hiring you.
What I mean is that even the BEST e-mail in the World should be followed-up with another way to get in touch with the people in that company that can hire you (a.k.a. the decision-makers).
The second thing that I noticed is that…
Your cover letter is too focused on yourself.
Notice the opening: “Hi, my name is…”
Assuming the following ideal conditions:
- you’re targeting the right person (do you even know if this person is a decision-maker?)
- they open your e-mail at all (the subject “Career Inquiry” is super generic and generates zero curiosity)
…they will still just give you a 3 to 5 seconds to sell them on reading more.
So, at this point, on the first 5 seconds as they read your e-mail, they don’t really care about who you are or the fact that you “recently graduated from Cabrini College with a degree in Finance”.
The reason why they’re not interested (yet) in any of this is because they are interested in something else…
Can you guess what it is?
If you answered “THEMSELVES”, then you’re spot on!
That’s right – the only real reason why they opened your e-mail is if they believe that there’s something valuable in it that they can benefit from.
So the sooner you can communicate to them how they will benefit from paying you attention, the better!
Third point gets a little better but it still can be improved. Here’s how.
You say that you are really attracted to them (plays to their EGO which is fine) but you didn’t tell them WHY!
What was it?
What was the thing that really attracted to them? Remember – people don’t care how much you care until they realize how much you care ABOUT THEM!
The fourth point that I want to highlight to you is something that you should avoid doing…
You mention that they don’t have any openings for your qualifications…
This is a GREAT way to make them feel like they’ve been wasting their time reading your e-mail!
I mean, imagine this in your mind… a super busy person decides to take a few seconds from their busy schedule to open an e-mail in the hopes that this e-mail could be the answer to their efforts to solve some problem or achieve a goal.
Now, they realize that you’re not even qualified (according to you) for any job opening…
How would you feel? The reality is that you really don’t know! What I mean is that you don’t know if they have a opening or not.
EVERY successful company in the World has ALWAYS room for talented people.
I mean WHO wouldn’t want another WINNER on their team?
You see my point?
Now your mission is to show them that they should hire you even if they don’t have any current openings that matches your profile.
So to summarize my advice to you, it all comes down to 3 things:
- Focus on their goals and their problems because that’s where their attention is
- Sell them EARLY on the reason why they should pay attention to you and give you a shot at joining their ranks
- I know that this might sound like a HUGE challenge.. that’s why I can help do this WITH YOU or even FOR YOU
Let me know if you’re happy to try this on your own or if you wish (which is really a direct response letter in disguise) with higher chances of being opened and actually having someone read it and call you!
Also, I can train you on following-up with the people on that company, identify the decision-makers, get their attention using, for example, your own phone and get you an interview with them.
Anyway, I wish you the best on your pursuit for the next level on your career!